You Wonder How These Things Begin

A site for my writing, updates, and thoughts.

recent posts

  • How I Write–An Honest Review

    Many folks have asked me, “How do you write?” and while I understand the question, it’s a harder to answer. It begins with, what actually is being asked? On the surface, I write by dreaming in this world I’ve created and then writing the stories of its inhabitants on an app on my computer–but that’s not really what is being asked.

    So what is?

    Is it “From where do you draw your inspiration?”, “What technical suite do you use on your computer?”, “How do structure your day and time to write?”, “What do you consider ‘good writing’ and how have you developed your voice in that pursuit?”. Maybe it’s something even more granular such as, “how do you consider your dialogue?”, “How do you navigate the balance of narrative prose and action?”, or “Why did you choose such a close narrative distance in the third person?” Or, perhaps, it’s simply, “How do you stay motivated for so long?”

    These are all questions I’d like to put down on ‘paper’ and discuss, and I will, but it’s the last question that I will answer now. I think it’s the one that most people are truly asking. And in all fairness, it’s the one that leads to a body of work that would even allow me to discuss the others.

    So–to list the question once more–how do I stay motivated to write so much?

    The answer: I don’t.

    Now that seems trite, I know. And I’m not trying to say something that hasn’t been said a million times by writers that are far more accomplished than me. But that fact remains, I don’t “remain” motivated. I’m often distracted. Or grumpy. Busy managing relationships or my own head or just went too “hard” at the gym and now my writing time is shot because my entire body has decided to dim my nervous system in response and is screaming at me to SLEEP. (I’ve done this more than I care to admit). And yet, I write.

    I think a reliance on motivation creates a natural pitfall in all creative endeavours. To paraphrase the brilliant Al Silber , “you don’t wait for the muse, you show up and invite the muse to meet you there.” My God, have I found that to be true. As such, I have often found myself sitting down at a blank page with nothing in my head and feeling exquisitely dull. But then I force myself to write one sentence, because if I can’t write one sentence, then I really ought to stop this whole affair. And after one sentence usually the next one seems to make itself apparent. Then a paragraph has been written. Then usually I’ve realized it’s all shit, BUT by that point I know how I would write it better a second time, so I delete it all, start again, and then three hours and an entire chapter pass.

    It’s kinda like that. Tedious. Slow. And then will suddenly flow. And it’s those flowing moments that make it worth it. If there is any “motivation” for me, it’s that when I am in a writing flow, nothing else matters more, or ever has, or perhaps will. It’s a creative act that feels like I’m weaving together the very threads of creation itself with hardly a thought. My fingers fly and the the characters speak for themselves, tell their own stories, laugh at their own expense. My muse is there and I am present and simply… am.

    Didn’t think I was going to get dramatic? A little woo? Come now–I’m a goddamn writer.

    Now for the second part, and a very honest self-assessment. How do I keep going? Because heaven knows there are days, weeks, months, when the muse does not show up–so what brings me back to the computer each and every day?

    Well. I’m a masochist.

    More drama–I know. But that fact of that matter is that, I have all the hallmarks of one. (Read my book some day and you may see those threads). That said, I will allow ‘masochist’ makes some people nervous and is a little overwrought. So, perhaps a rebrand and a further winnowing of my true feelings–a tighter tack to the truth.

    I’ll offer: Relentless.

    Somewhere in my childhood or young adulthood or recent adulthood I became relentless. And yes, I take pride in that, but it more has to do with the feeling it gives me. I have found there is something profoundly stirring in being relentless–to accumulating a body of work at the expense of my busy mind and the world’s distractions. To naming that quality in myself and proving it and reproving it each time I sit down. A psychologist or neurobiologist could tell me about hormones and dopamine, but I can only speak from my experience which is: I’ve decided it feels good to sit down and write every day, even when I don’t want to. Perhaps especially when I don’t want to. If there is one superpower I’ve developed, it’s that.

    Some would call it being stubborn, or disciplined, or any other matter of adjectives, and I’m sure they’re right. But I call it relentless. There is a ferocity behind my efforts. A hunger.

    And the act of writing is the only sustenance I know.

  • Kill Your Darlings

    When I began writing The Greenfells in earnest (circa 2021) I consumed as much “writer” and “author” content as I could find on the internet. Most of it was shit, but some of it was profound and lasting and one of those quips that has stayed with me is: “Kill Your Darlings.” The internet tells me it is attributed to Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch (holding on to that name for future inspiration) in 1916 so it seems his advice has some durability.

    Throughout this journey I’ve become very familiar with the idea. I’ve found myself deleting lines, paragraphs, chapters, entire story arcs–all into the bin. (Or rather, into a “didn’t use” folder). Every time I delete something I was once proud of, I find there is almost a sense of glee that follows its release that lives somewhere in between my masochistic predilections and the exhale of a loosened grip. I love it–and this might be my biggest one yet.

    Following some great feedback from agents who have interest and re-visited conversations with readers, I’ve discovered The Greenfells has two issues in its current format. The first is that there is a moment in the book when readers “get it” and then can’t put it down–and that moment is much too far into the novel. As an author, my job is to put that moment at the very beginning. I want my readers to be hooked into the story and these characters from the first few lines–not slog through the entirety of the Shire to get to the compelling parts in Bree (sorry Tolkien, you’re still my fav).

    SO.

    I have restructured the book, moved chapters around, and started the story considerably more in medias res. I am very happy with the outcome and in many ways, this is what the book needed. It also means that there is A NEW CHAPTER ONE. So if you’d like, go read it. It’s quite different and gives you a snapshot of where we’re going.

    The second problem that has come to light is that the book is too long for a debut novel. Fair. The good news? I wrote a long book in two parts. So with a little creative editing and moving around, there are now TWO BOOKS. I’m going to remain focused on getting book one published (still called The Greenfells), but it is very exciting to know that book two is ostensibly finished as well. The split also has given me the freedom to focus the “lense” of book one in a tighter format–even more character focused without burning chapters in denser plot-relevant exposition. Those story elements are still there, but now interwoven throughout book one and two in a way that I hope will feel more organic and seamless.

    Of course, I reserve the right to crumple all of these revisions and throw them in the bin as well.

    As they say–kill your darlings.

  • Welcome!!

    As a dedicated millennial, sharing information in a blog seemed the only proper way to do things–I hope you’ll allow my nostalgia.

    So what is this all about? In short, I’ve written a book.

    I started writing fiction/fantasy for fun when I was a teen. The subjects of the stories varied, but slowly, over the years, a few characters and general themes seemed to really stick around. In time, I began moving the stories together into a central plot and enjoying it and, hey, maybe this could be a fun hobby amongst my others, and… I lost it all. Didn’t backup my computer. Put it on the roof of my car. Drove off.

    And it’s the best thing could have happened. Starting in spring 2022, I began taking my love of writing seriously. I began working with a WONDERFUL coach/mentor/editor (and now fast friend) and started again from scratch. A blank page one, staring back at me. Since then, I’ve learned more then I care to admit, deleted more then I thought possible, and found that nothing has ever spoken to me more than this. Naming it a “calling” seems passé and overwrought, so I won’t do that, but I will say I’ve written almost every single day since this journey began. Interpret that as you will.

    So what is this book?

    Well–remember some of those characters that fell off my car roof in an electronic flurry? Yup–they came back. Or, to be more precise, they evolved. The essence of those characters still exist, and then they met more characters, and along the way they began interacting and growing themselves and suddenly had a story to tell. It’s a story of these characters. It’s a story about grief. About growth. About chosen family and individual purpose. Ultimately, it’s a story about love.

    Well, fine, but that doesn’t really tell me anything…

    Fair. Specifics then. This book is the first in a planned fantasy series about a cast of characters in a grounded fictional world that find themselves caught up in a medieval tale and the designs of hidden political actors. You will meet Selvo–a clerk bearing a heavy charge, Allus–a farmer working to keep his land, Mowe–an old monk, remembering the call of younger years, and Blodwen–a maiden that finds herself swimming in a sea of secrets. This is a book of themes, stories, and geographies that are personal and dear. However, as already said, it’s about the characters first and foremost. It’s about their hurts and hopes. Aspirations and failures. About becoming. About connecting. It’s all very rural, and medieval, and well… me.

    So, I hear you asking if you are still reading–when can I read it?

    GREAT QUESTION. And the answer is: I don’t know. But hopefully soon. I finished the first draft of the book in September 2024, and since then it has gone through two rounds of reader reviews, three complete rewrites, and countless edits. I’ve just finished my last (fingers crossed?) full edit and my next step is to submit to literary agents. Once I am able to convince an agent this book has legs, then it is on to pitching to publishers and then there may be a book.

    What about self publishing?

    I’m not ruling it out, but I am quite dedicated to pursuing the traditional publishing route. I would like to fully exhaust those avenues before thinking of self publishing.

    You want to become an author then?

    Yes. Yup. I do. That’s what this is–that’s the dream and the goal.

    So I can’t read any of it?

    You can! Consider it a teaser of sorts, but I’ve included the current draft of Chapter 1 of The Greenfells (working title) on this blog. Go to the sidebar and you’ll see a link. I’ve also included a draft of a map I drew, because what fantasy book is any good without a map?

    I hope you enjoy–I hope it gets you interested in reading more–I hope you all continue to join me on this journey as I try to pull these books into existence. If you are reading this now, then know you have my deep and profound appreciation for your time, energy, and care.

    Enjoy!